She was telling me a story involving party decoration scissors, Barbies, bangs, and 10 year old girls cutting each other's hair, and she demonstrated that she pronounces forehead the way it ought to be pronounced. Phonetically counterintuitively. FARHEAD.

Excited to learn this, I asked how she pronounced Laurie, my mother's first name.

I was significantly less impressed.

LOORIE.

Wrong. It's LAHRIE. Like FARHEAD. Like ARNGE.

She was skeptical, so I used the logic I've always used to explain, logic that actually makes very little sense but sometimes tricks people into considering the LAHRIE possibility.

P. A. U. L., I said. Blank McCartney. Is it POOL? No. It's PAHL. Like LAHRIE.  Like FARHEAD.  Like ARNGE. End of argument.

Micaela paused. What about D. R. A. W. E. R., she asked.

DROOR, I said. Like LOORIE. Like FOORHEAD.

Nope, she said. DRAH.

Brilliant.